C'est Moi

First lacrosse game of the season is tomorrow! I'm uber excited. Practice today was not so exciting. We were outside in 35 degree weather that felt like 28 degrees cause the winds were not that great... and plus it's Georgia. It's hardly ever that cold late February Early March. But..I think the team is ready for the game tomorrow. Hopefully we'll win. I'll play my best :D

This morning.. Interning at the hospital was interesting. First day was kinda slow.. but it was still interesting. I have a feeling this internship expereince will be amazing and worthwhile ! :D

guh. I hate being shy and being known as the quiet girl for as long as I've known the peeps at my high school. urgh. cause, there's this guy, i kinda wanna talk to him and get to know him cause i kinda like him.. but if I feel as if I can't do it. I don't know why.. cause I have the confidence, but I just can't seem to convince myself that it is worth doing..ya kno? 

So I was reading this thing for this college I might go to if I get accepted.. but anyway, it said, if accepted, a prospective undergraduate student can defer their acceptance for a year or so to travel or do whatever before actually attending the school. I've always considered doing something like this, but I think it's more appropriate after my undergraduate years before my graduate studies. Like right now, I'm not ready to experience the world like that.. I'll be just 18, just out of my shell, out from the hold of my parents, free to do whatever. I still have so much to learn... so it's a great opportunity but something for later.

So WHAT IS stressing me now? unnecessary stress that is... For one, I don't have a boyfriend and I mean, I guess I don't care but prom is definately coming up and I think it'll be nice to have a date. lol. I've never actually had a boyfriend actually but I think it'd be a nice experience. It's kinda hard to believe, and IT IS hard for me to believe, but for all my life it's like I've been so concentrated on other things, and I've been somewhat shy and I guess guys don't like that. I mean, I've had my share of jerks come on to me, but I was like hecks no... so in that case maybe my standards are too high... but heck, I'm not lowering them and they're not even that bad. But whatev, as long as I have a prom date come prom time. hehe :D 

My mom is definately getting on my nerves and I have proof. The day before yesterday, I had a full blown panic attack... I couldn't breathe and everything. She thinks that only her life is stressful. Excuse me... but who has all these college apps to fill out and keep track of? who still has to pay attention in school so she doesn't fall out of top 10. Life for me isn't as easy as she thinks. For all I know, my life is more stressful than hers so she def needs to stop bitchin and think of other peeps situations... u know.. step out of her stereotypical world view.. erlack.

I am so tired of living this high schoo life. I'm so ready to break out into the college scene and away from babysitting parents and teachers.  Right now  just feel like everything I do has to be done to please somebody. Why can't it all just be about me? Tired of two-faced losers who are your friend at one stance then when you turn your back, they speak of you like you're the queen of whores. life sucks. but soon, i shall enjoy it. the distress will all dissipate soon.. hopefully.. and I will have a good interval of eustress before college life :D can't wait ! and can't wait to graduate ! can't wait 'til it's all over :D

 avec mes parents et mes soeurs et mon frère... not exciting at all. i didn't really watch the game.. i watched like the first 30min.. then worked on some hw. but the Giants won ! (im a Steeler's fan... i just decided that on Sunday.. from now on... I will follow NFL football.. cause i wanna learn =D )

so, basically i am tired of the assumptions of life. it's not normal for me to be able to "read betweeen the lines" if i don't really know the person i'm dealing with. this past week, i have gotten into some trouble for this very reason. sometimes, ppl.. esp. me, need things spelled out. if u want me to go to the mall and come back straight home at 10pm... it needs to be said as so. don't tell me, just go to the mall and don't come home late. that's a vague request and because i am a person, i will interpret it to my benefit. 

 I would like to create a mural of my thoughts concerning life from birth until death. It would be more in a collage style, depicting different hues and sorts like that.

I've never read Maya Angelou's, I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS but that's besides the point. (I do plan to read that book soon)

Basically, birds have wings to fly and it is innate in them to fly at some point in their life. Well, I feel like a bird who has been caged since birth. I have grown the wings to fly and I'm ready to fly yet there's a cage surrounding me and no way out. The cage are my parents and I am the bird. I believe that I'm ready to go out to the real world and explore yet my parents don't think I'm ready and thus they're caging me inside. However, soon I'll be going to college and the cage will be forced open. After years of being in the cage, am I really ready to fly?

how fun.
looking forward to the superbowl? not really. last time i watched the superbowl was in 2005.

things to do:
- run for lacrosse
- practice some lacrosse
- 10pg research proposal
- article summarization for 1st block
- and somewhere there hopefully hav some fun :D 

So I met this girl on msn messenger and she keeps a livejournal so I thought about reviving mine. I've thought about keeping a journal, but I have never actually persevered. However, today, I shall begin one. I will talk about my day I guess.

So last night, I went to sleep pretty late but I think I had a goodnight's sleep. I can't really recall my dreams but I'm sure I dreamed of something. I know I dreamed of something, I just cannot remember.

Woke this morning and got my lil sissie ready (Kesia) and walked her to the bus stop on time. no stress. 

Back home, I had to get ready for school. I had AP MICRO ECON homework to do... which I didn't finish last night so I decided to do this morning... how fun. I got a 96 on it by the way... BOO FOR LAST MINUTE

Left for school at around 7:45am and drove to burger king... what a ride. I missed the first turnn and got into papa johns, so I got out then missed the turn again and got into a liqour store parking. so, i was like f*** that... i just walked to burger king... got my chicken biscuit then back into the car

getting into the liqour store..funny happening
driving into the liqour store parking lot, i definately got on the sidewalk/curb...scared the living daylights out of me! my sister Frances was in the car with me and she was also spooked lol. we made it to school though.

1st block
boring. boring. boring. all we did was listening to the prof. talk then watched this really amazing video (no sarcasm in that...seriously)

2nd block
more boredorm. did research for the research proposal due in the research class two weeks from last thursday. basically cobb county server sucks with finding information...even if it's educational

3rd block
was interesting. jarrett's always interesting. fun class sometimes. still boring though yet fun.

4th block
Dr. G is amazing ! i love that class for some reason. i learn so much.

from school went to pick Kesia up from elementary school then went to pick up lil bro. upon entering the school... yet another bump. frances was spooked yet again lol

basically got home, cooked dinner, and got on messenger buziness. can't wait 'til that phase of my life is over, because that's what I have in life... phases. Only 2 things are certain in my life... I believe.. my past and my future. my past because I can't change it... It's absolute, unless I lie about and no one can be prove me otherwise. My future beceause I will not settle for a future less than what I want. If I have to... gosh! that would be an experience ! However, I will always love learning. I'm just jotting down some random shiz. Concering my present, I have phases. Whatever irks me, I do, but I must be careful not to ruin my future... lol